The laughter coming from down the hall was making me so angry. How can people be laughing at a time like this? My thoughts were all over the place. The onslaught of emotions crashed on me like a wave. In that moment I couldn’t catch my breath. My fight, flight, or freeze response was kicking in, but instead I chose vulnerability and sent the text:
I am struggling today
with feelings of panic, fear, and isolation. I don’t think they’re mine, but they’re
pretty intense. I’m on the verge of
tears and every sound is making me jumpy.
It’s reminding me of when I suffered from PTSD. The feelings are very similar. I’m not
sharing with many people at this time.
Thank you.
In that moment when panic was washing over me, I knew I had the power of choice. I could only see two choices. I could choose to fight through it on my own (which is a lie because the Lord is ALWAYS with me.) Or I could choose to be vulnerable and ask for help. “Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: if either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up. Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.” (Ecclesiastes 4:9-10, 12.)
I received a text back from one of my friends with the advice to put on the trauma prayer and soak and to speak out loud the following Scriptures. “I declare and decree that I will not be anxious for anything. I refuse to carry the weight of fear and anxiety or agree with the lies of the enemy. I choose to stand on the Word of God and walk in supernatural faith. The peace of God stands guard over my mind and heart. He will keep me safe.” (Philippians 4:6-7 NIV.) “I come before You, Lord-totally undone and vulnerable. My load is too heavy for me, and I need you. I choose to take Your yoke of peace and wisdom upon my shoulders and embrace your rest for my soul.” (Matthew 11:28-30 NIV). I had another text me that when something like this happens (the pandemic) it is hard.
I was reminded that being a feeler is a gift and potentially this was the Lord inviting me to intercede for someone else. Either way, I said this prayer: “The Lord rebuke you panic, fear, and anxiety. I repent for coming into agreement with you and break agreement with those emotions right now. I choose to align with the Kingdom of God, plead the blood of Jesus over myself, and choose to speak life and blessing over anyone being pummeled by these emotions.” I began to pray for the names the Lord started dropping in my spirit and the wave disappeared.
I encourage you this season if you are feeling a wave of emotions that, “He rules the swelling of the sea; When its waves rises, He will still them” (Psalm 89:9). If you find your emotions are out of control, pause, take a deep breath, and ask the Lord how He wants you to respond. When we choose to be vulnerable with God, ourselves, and others, it invites the Lord to be strong when we are weak and unlocks the power of Christ within. (2 Corinthians 12:9-11). Psalm 23 from The Passion Translation tells us that these are truths we know, “The Lord is our best friend. We have more than enough. He offers a resting place. Fear will never conquer us. His authority is our strength and peace. The comfort of His love takes away fear.”
May the Lord bless you to find peace that surpasses all understanding as we draw near to the one who calls us His own.
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