God is Awesome!!!

God is AWESOME!!!

I've been thinking about starting a blog for a few months now, but instead asked DeAnna if I could add this to our women's blog. 

I have to start off my blog by saying God is AWESOME and He is amazing.  It has been a very difficult journey for me the past past year, starting in January when I decided to make a change and give my all to God.  I have been stretched and pushed beyond my wildest dreams.  I have been brought to the point of breaking multiple times.  I have failed miserably and disappointed others.  I have sinned and made mistakes.  I have lashed out, spoken in anger, and hurt people's feelings.  YET in all of this, in ALL of this I still know I am God's daughter.  Oh how amazing God's grace is and His mercy.  My flesh, my personal self, has failed in so many ways.  The more I lean on my own strength and determination the further and further I fall. 

Over the past year I have faced the huge battle of overcoming health issues, diagnosed with prediabetes, high cholesterol, being told I was morbidly obese and headed towards the heart disease issues that plagues my family.  In January I decided to get healthy for God, to fight the battlefield of health that I have been losing for years.  Partnering with God to overcome my food addiction, my desire to self sabatoge, and finding identity in the numbers on the scale. 

I will be honest I have not won every battle but I KNOW I will win the war because God is with me.  I have also faced bouts of PTSD and through prayer and partnering with prayer warriors have gone deep into the security/safety issues that surround those circumstances.  I discovered multiple lies I had picked up when I was 5 and was able to break free of those strongholds because I pressed into God and simply said “please Jesus, take it.” I focused on finding my identity in Christ and Christ alone.  I quit a job that covered all my bills to take on three part time jobs that did not cover all my bills, stepping out in faith because I was not glorifying God at that full time job.  I have now gone full time at Beltway Park, but still need to work my other jobs to cover the astonishing debt I have collected over the last few years after being honorably discharged from the military for being too fat.  I have been battling moments of aloneness and isolation, but God has shown me my “Christ blood” family.

What I feel God has been trying to teach me, and I am a SLOW learner at times, is that I need to not lean on my own strength and determination.  (Proverbs 3:5)  I know this but to truly apply it is a different matter completely.  In these areas of weakness where I try SOOOO hard to be perfect and overcome I become disappointed every time I fail.  I need to realize it is not my strength but HIS strength that will help get me through.  It is not my plans but HIS plans that will be for my good.  (Jeremiah 29:11)  It is not about my will but HIS will for my life.  It is not what I believe is the right path but what God's path is for my life.  It is not about me understanding and knowing but trusting in HIM who does understand and does know. 

Our Father is so amazing and when I get caught up in the self pity mode, the woe is me mode, the I want it now mode, I forget!  How can I forget the God who chose me while I was dead in my sins?  How can I forgot the loving Father who desperately wants to bless me?  How can I forget to turn to the ONE place that will ALWAYS provide comfort and shelter?  How can I forget that He is in control and that I can cast my burdens at His feet?  I need only ask for His provision and strength and His grace will be sufficient for me.  (2 Corinthians 12:9)  I need only look at the Bible and realize that even Job struggled after faithfully praising God in the storm.  It was through these trials God continued to refine Job and perfect him.  Job was not perfect, and I will never be perfect.  It is not I who will perfect me but God who will finish the work He started in me, perfecting me each and every day, I am God's workmanship.  (Ephesians 2:10)  I have one who IS perfect living inside of me.  It is my sinful flesh that fights with the Spirit within so I do the things I don't want to do and don't do the things I want to do.  I truly understand what Paul was saying. (Galatians 5:17.)

God is truly Jehovah Jireh, He is the God who provides.  I have need of nothing and am blessed in so many ways.  May my wants and desires not be of this world, but rather be for the kingdom for His glory and for eternity!!!! (2 Corinthians 4:16-18)   May I strive to honor God's calling on my life and not the world's calling. May I make my life a living sacrifice which is my reasonable service to the Lord.  May I continue to turn my eyes towards Heaven and the Word God has given us.  (Joshua 1:8)  May my heart be full of joy and happiness.  I do not pray for the storms to disappear, I pray I weather the storms in the correct posture of humility and obedience.  May the hidden sin that is being revealed be forgiven and may God grant me the strength to repent and reconcile with my Lord and Savior!!!  God I thank you for your mercy that is new every day.  I thank you that you do not remember my sins and that you love me enough to discipline me when I continue to live in sin.  (Jeremiah 31:34)  Thank you for delivering me from death (Romans 6:23) and for walking with me as I begin this path to deliverance from the sin that has held me captive.  I love you and I praise you!!!!

Your loving daughter
Melissa Kee