Beltway Women

When one of our boys was a preschooler, we got the dreaded “can I speak with you?” from our son’s teacher at church.  Even inching toward 40, my stomach still bottomed out if I thought I was in trouble! Our son had done something bad in class. I later learned that this something was a thing most every kid tries. At the time I had no idea and was in a fluster. That was until I spoke to trusted friends a decade ahead of me. I found comfort in their relating stories. One of them said, “don’t let those teachers decide for you what he did was right or wrong. God decides that.”  It was in those early years the Lord began teaching me about refuge.  I ran to the Lord and asked what he said about the “something.” Then I depended on Him to tell me what was or wasn’t a big deal.  He became my safe place, my defender, my truth. Refuge is the word I can’t shake in this season. The world needs a safe place to find peace, comfort and rest. One of my favorite movie quotes is from Shawshan

One unexpected blessing that has come from this crazy quarantine time is the chance to spend time with the two little girls I get to babysit once a week. Not only have I gotten to help them with their schoolwork, but we play games, make breakfast and have some fun together! The other day I realized these two girls have been teaching me something that the Lord has been trying to show me for a while.             Last week the youngest one grabbed me by the hand and excitedly pulled me into her room; she patted the ground to show me where my seat was going to be. We both sat down on the carpet and I saw that she had a beautiful jewelry box on display for me. She began to turn the mechanism on the back and when she opened the lid this beautiful ballerina began to spin to the music of the jewelry box. Once the music was in full affect, she began pull out her little pieces of jewelry one by one and she shared their story. She told me where she got it, why it was so special to her, and

The laughter coming from down the hall was making me so angry. How can people be laughing at a time like this? My thoughts were all over the place.   The onslaught of emotions crashed on me like a wave. In that moment I couldn’t catch my breath.   My fight, flight, or freeze response was kicking in, but instead I chose vulnerability and sent the text: I am struggling today with feelings of panic, fear, and isolation. I don’t think they’re mine, but they’re pretty intense.   I’m on the verge of tears and every sound is making me jumpy.   It’s reminding me of when I suffered from PTSD.   The feelings are very similar. I’m not sharing with many people at this time.   Thank you. In that moment when panic was washing over me, I knew I had the power of choice. I could only see two choices.   I could choose to fight through it on my own (which is a lie because the Lord is ALWAYS with me.) Or I could choose to be vulnerable and ask for help. “Two are better than one, because they h